Learning to live adult ADHD (the humorous side of life)

If you are reading this because you have adult ADHD, I hope you are also learning to cope and live a normal life (which can be very difficult)as I am. It is a never ending learning experience. If you are reading this because you live with someone who has adult ADHD, I pray you have the patience that my husband has and that this can maybe help you understand what you are going through on a daily basis with your loved one and that you are not alone.  I hope some can learn from me and I hope to learn from others as well.

With me it is a never ending battle to figure out where my car keys are located. My dear husband now has a dedicated place at home for my keys which I use about 95% of the time if I am not distracted as I come in the door. However, I call home a couple of times a week to say I am on my way only to call back about 20 minutes later to tell hubby that I got tied up and now I am leaving...only to hear the same response each time" a chuckle and a oh had to find your keys huh?" ohhhh that makes me mad cause he's right 99% of the time! I work in a beauty salon with my sister and best friend and now they look for my keys before they leave if I'm staying late and hook them on my belt loop for me.( GEEZ that's embarassing I am 50 yrs old and thats the reason they have a hook on them!) One would think after years of this, one would hook their keys onto their own belt loop as soon as they get out of the car. Ok so the answer here to losing everything you own is to try extremely hard to be one of those people who has "a place for everything and everything in it's place". Eventually it becomes habit and things start getting where they are suppose to be. (Except the blasted carkeys for me) Now on to learning to make lists and keep calendars. In the beginning you will probably lose the list before you get to the store or leave it at home on the table. Eventually you get tired of making lists you don't use and making multiple trips to the store so you start remembering to take them with you. I immediately tape my lists to the front door so that when I leave I have to see it on the way out..same way with appointments they are taped to the front door. Don't be embarrassed by this because people will come to realize that if you don't tape the note there, they may be the next one wondering where you are at when you were suppose to meet them somewhere.

Is your house chaotic? Does your car look like you live in it? Do you dress out of a clothes basket or better yet the clothes dryer? I have been there, done that. It's really tough when you have ADD and your spouse is the complete opposite. I really admire my hubby because he can send me to the garage to his mulititude of tool boxes and tell me to grab a tool ( I may not even know what the tool is but can get the exact one the first trip)because he can say something like it's in the middle tool box third drawer down on the left hand side under two other tools. AND his number one rule is leave that drawer open until you return the tool so you know where it goes. UGH! I can't tell you how many times in 18 years with this man I have been literally locked out of his tool boxes for breaking that rule.

Here are some steps to take and helpful hints that I have acquired over the years from magazine articles, internet searches, family, friends and most of all my hubby Mr. Clean.

Don't get overwhelmed with the task at hand. Let's start with the car. It's the smallest, easiest place to clean and organize. You can get trunk carriers that are great for the stuff you don't want to take out of your car. Get everything out and decide what stays. Clean out all the hidey holes, glove boxes, etc. and put your car related information (registration,insurance, owners manual)only in the glove box. I once got pulled over and it took me 15 minutes to get the information the officer wanted, and that included an under the seat search for me to find it all. Oh my how embarrassing was that! I think he felt sorry for me and thought maybe I lived in my car...but after all that, I only got a warning. Ok so after the glove box whatever stays in the car (and I'm sorry but I was informed by hubby that a person doesn't need 2 changes of clothing in the car)gets sorted and placed in the various compartments of the carrier. The rest goes in a box until you have the time and/or energy to figure out what to do with it. My car was (and sometimes still is) so full of stuff that I would have to clean out a spot for another person to ride with me. That is yet another problem for us, or at least me I seem to think I need everything I own with me "just in case". By the way, most of the "just in case" stuff was never missed once removed. Now that your car is cleaned out you will have to make sure you keep it that way DAILY. (the creature of habit thingy applies here.)

Next the house. Tidy everything up as best as can be for the time being so the you are not mortified when an unexpected guest shows up on your doorstep. Personally, I always thought it was rude to visit someone without a 3 day notice.(LOL) The best way to do this is just put everything in neat little piles or even better boxes until the whole house is tidy and then you can deal with the boxes while you watch tv. Once again just like your car you have to pickup after yourself every night before you go to bed so you don't get back to the original mess. If you need some inspiration just watch one episode of Hoarders on A& E one night and I gaurantee you'll get moving. After all is tidy and you have sorted the boxes. You will need to pick one room at a time (whatever you can handle without having a meltdown 1 a day or 1 a week or 1 a month)then you will need to simplify your life as much as possible by going through every thing in the room with 3 piles. 1 to keep and put away..1 to donate to charity..1 for the garbage. Try to be realistic, the first time I tried this everything was a keeper to me. Once again the creature of habit has to go to work and keep each room picked up everyday as they are finished. When the whole house has been completed, it only takes 15-20 minutes a day to keep everything clean. That way when you clean house each week all you have to do is dust and vacuum! How simple would life be at the point! I would love to hire someone to do all the above for me, but I couldn't afford it. Now I will admit that I still have an entire bedroom devoted to craft stuff and my clothes that I have to close the door when people come over because that is a never ending battle for me....whenever I do get it cleaned up it manages to fall apart very quickly. And quite often my bedroom deteriorates. I guess I'll never completely have my act together, but my hubby has quit threatening to buy me the house next door for my stuff.

Staying focused is the hardest part. I do one room at a time. To keep myself in the room I am working on I take a box with me, if something doesn't belong in that room I put it in the box till I complete the room I am working on. If I leave the room I never seem to make it back to finish. I also schedule a certain amount of time to work and play back and forth, so that I don't get bored and quit. I am trying very hard to put things away as soon as I finish with it so that I don't have to carry the box around with me. Using the box method means that eventually you are gonna have to sort out the box and put that stuff away. So in conclusion we are back to being a creature of habit and having a place for everything and everything in it's place. This is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life (and still trying to learn it.!)

I have also found as far as time management goes....I MUST stay on a rigid schedule or I risk a complete meltdown and have to start all over again. I have also found that (for me personally)if I go to bed and get up at the same time 7 days a week I cope much better with life. Because on the serious side of ADHD there can be a lot of depression.  Good luck and may GOD Bless you!